Priest Pubis?

Is this an appropriate name for shoes?

Noodle, noodle, noodle.

How do real(ly stupid) men catch their catfish? Noodling, of course. Noodling is the act of catching a catfish by sticking your hand under rocks, logs, or in the muck at the bottom of a body of water, wiggling your fingers like bait, and getting ready for something to bite you. (It even has a Wikipedia entry.)



And YouTube has plenty more.

High Life, Indeed

Spotted near Morrilton, AR.

Santorum Not Included

Bored with your sex life? The Traditional Values Coalition has some fresh, wonderful ideas.

Disney is helping out those with coprophilia.

And, right on time, The Onion chimes in with, "It's Not Easy Being a Frotteur." Think about how the poor klismaphliacs feel...

When you're done with that, howzabout some virtual bubble wrap?

Local Politics

Things are heating up in our fair city.



"I'm an innocent man, I'm an honest man, and I'm the right candidate to be the next City Council in Cambridge." Full story here.

You have new Picture Mail!

New, disgusting picture: a bucket of guts.

Weekend Update With Yours Truly

I think I have found my hero--not an easy task for anyone that remembers the lessons of 9/11.

Stop me if you've heard this one. A 36-year old man walks into an emergency room in Scotland complaining of wavy vision and a headache lasting 4 weeks. After a little prodding her reveals that he drank about 60 pints of beer over a four day binge.

Of course a six-month-long hangover might kinda suck.


In other news, SI Live, Staten Island's finest newspaper, has chosen it's Barkeep of the Week, Angela "Big Ange" Raiola, of the Drunken Monkey Bar and Grill, and boy is she a looker!

(Click on the picture in the article to see the rest of this lovely, lovely lady.)

"If you're sitting in an empty room, she'll have you hysterical laughing," says [her son's girlfriend Anna] Benkovski.

If by "laughing" you mean "cowering in fear, and trying to find an exit," I'm right there with you Anna.




And, good news. The Buffalo Bills' Kevin Everitt is feeling much better. Look at him go.

Doctors agree

I am positive that at least once I have, in fact, walked a mile for one of these damn things.



And who can you trust more than your physician? How about the Flintstones?



Mmmmmmmm. Death never tasted so refreshing!

Same-Sex, Elementary School Mutual Masturbation Stories

I don't have any. My neighbors seem to have plenty of them. They are currently sharing them with each other and everyone else in a quarter mile radius. (I went to a Catholic school K-6, didn't discover the other sex until much later in life, and felt guilty about it when I did. The neighbors on the other hand, apparently began touching themselves and their friends through their clothes beginning in about the second grade.) Who needs reality TV? Suck it FCC.

Until right now, I had planned on sending my children to public schools.

These particular neighbors have spent a lot of time enjoying their back porch over the summer, as have I. The main difference between us is that I tend to be quiet whereas they tend to have a rockin' good time. Maintaining the peace has involved me wearing headphones or earplugs most of the time simply so I didn't have to listen to them smoking weed and free associating. As it turns out, however, the young lady next door whose voice I find the most attractive is a lesbian who masturbates a lot, almost always has multiple orgasms, and is instantly ready-to-go when she smells photo chemicals in darkrooms. Who knew? Maybe I've missed out.

In other news,

-When you've gotta go, you've gotta go.

-Here's the world's smallest game of pong at "The World's Smallest Website."

-Perhaps the most bizarre flash thingee I have ever seen, The Woodcutter. Old news, but I'm a slacker. Whaddya want?

-Photos of one woman over the course of fifty years.

-Perhaps the cutest slideshow I have ever seen of a polar bear not eating a dog.

That is all.

Britany Spears Fan-shim

Words fail me.

More Unoriginal Content

From Chris's Invincible Super-Blog via Boing-boing.



This actually made me LOL (which probably means I should claim to have been ROTFL given modern l337 inflation).
More flowcharts and diagrams here and here. Below is perhaps my most favoritest Venn diagram ever:

Boombalatty

This is news? I mean come on, please.

---

Either you love The Onion or you hate it. It is tasteless and quite often obscene, yet somehow I continue to read it Wednesday after Wednesday. It is my humble opinion that they have quite gracefully made the transition to the video age. Behold: The Ocular Penetration Restriction Act of 2007


Live From Congress: The Skull Fucking Bill Of 2007

Wade Boggs

This is really too good not to share. Legendary Red Sock Wade Boggs really, really, really likes beer.




























(Image: Copyright © National Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum.)

If Not Now, When?

MSNBC.com currently has a poll about whether or not our glorious Felchwad-in-Chief should be impeached. With more that half a million people responding, the results are pretty straightforward.

Wouldn't it be nice if Congress would go ahead and do it's job? Representative Democracy was fun while it lasted. I miss the Constitution.

Ever seen a video of a real, dead ghost?


http://view.break.com/312640 - Watch more free videos

And last but not least, interactive flash triangles playing follow the leader.

Video Goodness

Ahhhh, Leonard Nimoy. These days, he mostly spends his time photographing nude women, a noble pursuit indeed, but like his co-star William Shatner, he apparently tried the whole singing thing. And while his song is about Bilbo Baggins, I'm willing to bet this video wasn't directed by Peter Jackson.



And here is a mother beater expressing his true feelings about TV news.


What I Think of TV News - Watch more free videos

The Greatest Bar in Boston

The 'Greatest Bar in Boston' can't afford a proofreader.

Were I to open an business in Boston in which the patrons imbibed intoxicating liquors and I was ripping off the name of a venerable establishment in the hope that it would make me sound cool, I would name my bar "The Most Profitable Bar In Boston" or "The Bar Everyone Wants To Go To Again, Immediately" or "Three Cheers" or maybe even "The Bar You Can Hang Out In Without Getting Your Fucking Neck Broken," but what the Hell do I know?

More on The Littlest later. This is what it looked like last time I was by:


Update:

According to a reliable source, it was one of the owners of the bar who wrote the sign.

BoA DOA

Students are beginning to arrive at MIT* which means the inevitable jockeying by local banks to get their money. The student center is currently ground zero for the competition: the MIT Federal Credit Union (MITFCU) and Bank of America (BoA) each have two tables with smiling reps, bowls of candy and other giveaways, and contracts. Probably because of the relative satisfaction of my past experiences with (BankBoston which became Fleet Bank which became) BoA and the MITFCU, I have a fantasy every time I walk past their tables involving the friendly MITFCU employees finding claw hammers and brutally murdering the BoA folks. To summarize:


*Since it's about to begin its inevitable annual appearance in the news cycle, let me be the first to point out that this year's college freshmen were born in 1989, carry the news.

Obviously

The funniest headline I've seen all week (from boingboing.net): Essay: "I'm the proud owner of Karl Rove’s father’s solid gold cock ring."

What quality is the gold? How does it hang?

Fair & Balanced.

She Don't Use A Walker

The young, soft, fragile DJ on WERS just simultaneously confused me and made me feel very old.

After stumbling through an explanation about how you can get a lot of WERS's programs via podcast (which she knew virtually nothing about), she announced that her next song would be by the Flaming Lips. In fact, it would be the first Flaming Lips song that she had ever heard! Back when she was in high school, the cool kids would play this song while they were in the photo darkroom.

And I thought to myself, here it comes, the most overplayed Flaming Lips song ever, 1993's "She Don't Use Jelly." (And as a semi-frequent listener to WERS, I was beginning to wonder if the next song would be by Gordon Lightfoot or Kris Kristofferson.) That's when bitch lowered the boom. The song was, "Do You Realize," off of Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots which came out in 2002. And while I love the song, I'm thinking of going and picking up a cane on my lunch break.

For the record, the next song was by Gordon Lightfoot.

Giggle

Sox vs. Devil Rays

Varitek at bat in the bottom of the 7th inning, Sox vs. Devil Rays. Varitek got a homerun to deep right field...

The Future of Digital Image Editing

Friday Night Slacking

Cambridge has cooled down to the lower 80s from today's high of Holy Shit It's Hot. Most of my free time lately has been spent sitting on my porch smoking cigarettes and drinking watery beer. What can I say? It's an easy, practical approach to beat the heat.

• I was wondering if anyone else found the Plain White Tees song "Hey There Delilah" as annoying as I do. As it turns out, the answer is a resounding yes.

• Are you talking right now or are we listening to a tape of you talking? (Seriously, though, it's best not to joke with cat lovers.)
  

• It's a bit late now, but if you want to hide the fact that you're reading the latest Harry Potter, here are some pre-made, printable dust covers.

• How ever did they catch this guy?

• Everyone loves a good car crash or ten.

Darts at Joel's

VTK, aka Robin Hood, plays darts.

PSA

Posted in a space where ClearChannel disclaimers used to be outside the former Cambridgeport Saloon. For the love of God, write Richard and let me know how it goes.

They Still Make This Stuff?

Found at Shaw's, University Park, Cambridge.

The Best Kind of Goon, Debbie

Members of the Quincy Asian American Comission.

For The Record

Religious Adherents

Here's something interesting. (As always, click to enlarge.)

America:


And Europe:


I worry about Estonia. Why do they hate Freedom™?

Monday, Monday

I arrived to work this morning bound and determined to begin the not-too-terribly complicated process of reorganizing my office and all the paperwork that I've let pile up for quite some time. It was a cool and rainy morning, and I was feeling uncharacteristically focused and far from anxious. Then I walked in.

(Please forgive me for being vague, but the matter involves confidential proceedings for an organization that predates the Constitution. Yes, I work for the Illuminati.)

A simple procedural matter and missed deadline by a colleague of someone for whom I work arose over the weekend and by this morning, as it was described to me in painfully deliberate detail, it seemed to be a full-blown conflagration. I was quickly able to prove that we had done absolutely nothing wrong. The gentleman in question, presented with overwhelming evidence that he was at fault, backed down.

Now, I don't feel like doing a damn thing for the rest of the week. Why? Because this should never have been an issue in the first place, and certainly not the kind of thing that involves me having literally 20 e-mails in my inbox and a couple of hours of discussion. (Technically, I work for the gentleman in question exactly 3.5 hours/week.) Do you think you missed a deadline for submitting something? Checking your motherfucking Outbox and see if you missed the motherfucking deadline. It's not fucking rocket science. (+200 Bonus Frustration Points: at least one of the parties involved was, earlier in his career, a rocket scientist.)

And this is how I spend my time at work.

Bill Hilton and his lady

Friday Afternoon Humor

Here are my first video posts for your Friday afternoon enjoyment. Let's get started with Songs of Praise, subtitled for the hard of hearing by the hard of hearing:



Next up, my first and only submission to YouTube: a group of German tourists drinking Irish Car Bombs in The Squealing Pig pub in P-town, MA. As with most of my pictures, this was captured with my Treo.



And last but not least, Mad TV nailing one:

VTK Triumphant

I was going to repost these pics in sequential order rather than live-blogged order, but a dear reader left a comment. This series of photos shows VonTrapperKeeper live at the Second Annual Hot Dog Hoe Down eating a bowl of about 7 pureed tofu pups in 5 minutes time. Check his site soon for a full write-up.

Halfway There...

Dear God, He's Actually Eating It

When the wager was first announced, I believe I said, "I've never touched a Tofu Pup in my life, but I could eat that bowl in four minutes." Once I watched him start, I quickly realized that I was dead wrong.

Ready, Steady, Go!

Always Hiring

No, this is not some amusing image I found on the internet. Treo capture from Newport Ave. in Quincy, MA. Wendy does not approve.


UPDATE:

David Bowie is the greatest rock star ever. Period. End of discussion. Although I was only marginally part of the discussion, I think this conclusion is inescapable. Thank you. Who were you going to propose? Rick Springfield? I don't think so.

Found: The Joys of Youth

Last Saturday, my ladyfriend and I decided that instead of wandering around Harvard square for the 1000th+ time, we would hop on the commuter rail and wander around Salem--it was a warm, beautiful day and one must take full advantage of such days in Massachusetts because if you don't, *blink*, there's suddenly two feet of snow on the ground. As we filed down the platform to board the train, I spotted a small pad of white Post-it notes with a cute little drawing on the front:



I thought to myself, "Some kid made a flipbook on a pad of Post-its. Brilliant." I scooped the pad up, dropped it in my pocket and boarded the train.

Once we found a seat and got situated, I pulled the pad out and began flipping it from the back. Nothing. Blank pages. I turned the page from the drawing above and found:




"My big sister and my little sister are not that fat." Also brilliant, but not at all what I expected. You gotta love kids.

The Phantom Gourmet BBQ Fest

Here we have VonTrapperKeeper and Kentucky enjoying ribs at the aforementioned festival at Government Center. Holy Cerdo! The event featured BBQ artisans from TN, TX, OH, NY, PA, VA, and MA. We managed to eat half-racks of ribs from seven different vendors. The best, hands-down, were the ribs from "North Carolina Bar-B-Que" out of Virginia--fall off the bone tender with a delightful sauce.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to check out VonTrapperKeeper liveblogging the bottle of Cisco I gave him last night.

UPDATE:



Here we have VonTrapperKeeper uploading an image of himself liveblogging himself drinking a bottle of Cisco. Ain't technology wonderful.
__________

This would be a good time for me to point out that all of the photos I've uploaded thus far, with the exception of the preceding pic, have been added via the Mobile Blogging feature Blogspot offers. Once you've set up your account, you can send a picmail from your camera phone and it instantly appears on your blog. If you get onto The Practical Slacker, as I know you long to do day and night ("why doesn't he update more often, damnit!"), and you see a crappy little pic (the camera in Treos is a staggering 0.3 megapixels) with the heading, "You've got a New Picture Mail," you'll know that what you're seeing is as fresh as milk straight from a cow's udders and without the gritty aftertaste. Mmmmmmm! Warm, unfiltered goodness.

UPDATE II:

I seem to have a case of the giggles which I suspect is a contact buzz from the blogtastic strawberry effervescence emanating from VTK's room.

UPDATE III:

Definite contact buzz--still giggly and I just reloaded my own blog to see if I had posted an update.

Slackity-slack. Slack, slack, slack.

I am already off to a horrible start with the posting and the blogging and the whatnot. So, without further ado, at the advice of Maestro VonTrapperKeeper, please allow me to recommend one of my favorite web comics, Alien Loves Predator. Here is one of my favorites (click to enlarge):

Mural, Part II

Mural, Part I

This is a mural from the ladies restroom of the Old Colony Tap in Provincetown, MA, Part I. Continued above, obviously. No, I didn't take the pictures.

Look out, Honey, 'Cause I'm using technology

So, I have a blog. Welcome. I'll try to be both entertaining and grammatical. No promises, though.

Hello World

See above.